Behind the Veil

Each one of us has bits and pieces of his life’s memories, the dreams of early childhood, all the character-shaping factors. Yes, I remember every moment; I almost remember the moment I was born. This moment is stuck in my memory since my mother told me all about it. It was a Wednesday in 1971. I was the first-born baby girl to my parents. I was the first joy, the first baby crying at our home.

I am the eldest of four sisters. Our financial status was average like that of any ordinary family. I studied in public schools. My father did his best to provide for our needs. His dream was to give us a good education, especially me. We were all girls, so my dad wished to have a son. He spared no effort to let us have a good share of education and provide us with all our needs. As far as religion is concerned, we were raised with moral values and religious commitment.

My father is a true Muslim. Having been raised in the countryside, my father was keen to maintain all religious rituals and traditions. As for my mom, she was less conservative than my dad. She prayed every now and then. I remember that she always had many arguments with Dad concerning that. He wanted both of them to be a good example for us to follow in all religious matters. I remember that my dad used to get up early for the dawn prayer at a mosque in the vicinity. Sometimes I would wake up to the voice of the ‘azzan’ (call to prayer). I was amazed by my father’s persistence to pray the five obligatory prayers on time at the mosque. Nothing prevented him from doing that, not the cold of winter, the heat of summer, not even during his sickness.

I asked him once, “Why don’t you pray at home in the cold weather?” He replied that the more he would go out to the mosque in such bad weather, the more God would reward him with great compensation. My dad was really faithful to Islam, a conservative, which he still is.

When I was seven years old, my dad encouraged me to fast the whole month of Ramadan (Ramadan is one of the Islamic calendar months that all Muslim are obliged to fast). And then he told me one of the Hadiths (Prophet’s tradition), “Teach them till the age of seven, and beat them till the age of ten.”

I used to feel hungry during the long day of fasting, especially at that age, but I was faithful and patient till the end of the day. I managed to fast the whole month. My dad was very happy and announced the news to all our family members. He was very proud of my religious commitment.

I was very happy knowing that God would reward me according to His promise. But my great joy was to achieve this difficult task. Till the age of twelve I did not pray regularly, and Dad always argued with us about this matter. Discipline in both study and prayer were the most important topics that pushed us into many arguments and tongue-lashings in all our life at home.

Dad had a way to punish us that I strongly rejected. If one of us didn’t pray for any other reason than the legal reasons, he would refuse to eat with us at the same table according to the Prophet’s tradition. I wondered how could the Prophet teach principles likely to cause family dissentions. What kind of a commitment was Dad expecting to come out of such a punishment?

We grew up with the idea that Christians were infidels and polytheists, not worthy of our friendship or companionship. There was one exception to that rule. One of my dad’s friends was a Christian named Fawzy. Dad had known him since his childhood, and they had a close relationship. When he, his wife and their son used to come to visit us in our joyful occasions and feasts, I was always amazed as, after they left, my dad would say: “Oh, Fawzy, it’s a big waste for you to be a Christian. I wish you were a Muslim!”

When I was thirteen, I joined the prep school. On the first day of school all students usually run and fight to get the best seats in class. A girl called Marcella sat beside me. Her name was not familiar to my ears. It was a very new adventure for me. I had to deal with that infidel Christian who sat with me at the same desk for the whole year. Soon I got to know her more and I found myself being fascinated by her. I still remember the innocent beaming of her face. Until now I still remember her tenderness as if it were yesterday, and not many years ago.

I remember she asked me once what kind of sandwiches I had for lunch. I told her that I had a Roman cheese sandwich. Marcella said she had a ham sandwich and suggested we swap sandwiches. I was upset by her suggestion and said to her, “Muslims do not eat pork, it is forbidden in Islam.” So she asked me why. I told her God was protecting us from this meat that was not good for our health. She looked at me, her eyes wandering and resorted to silence. I wondered, if my answer was true and logical why did eating pork not affect all these Christians year by year? I found no answer and I didn’t bother myself searching for one; soon I forgot the whole thing.

The first year of school passed, and our simple and lovely friendship grew. The following year at school, one day Marcella was looking for something in her bag.

This was the last straw I was clutching at and now I had lost all sources of support for continuing my walk in Christianity. So I felt as if God wanted me to forsake that religion, may be because I was unable to continue that battle. Although I enjoyed from the bottom of my heart and the depths of my soul every word of the Bible and did my best to keep saying the Lord’s Prayer diligently, nothing was genuinely changed in my character. I was still full of hatred and envy towards Christians. I could not forgive anybody. I could not even say “Good morning” to my mother. I used to get out of my house with traces of anger, hatred and hostility painted on my face. I deliberately used to show anger toward my parents and brothers that they might know that they were infidels and that I hated them for that reason. I was so filled with the spirit of rebellion and hostility that I even doubted the authenticity of what I read in the Bible.

All those factors came together with the losing of the papers; it was a merciless attack to hinder the work of God in my life, an attempt to break my determination and my increasing love of the Bible. Once again, I broke into tears, blaming God for all that was taking place around me. I began to wonder if it was only God’s doing that whenever I took a step towards Him things would go wrong. “Why, Lord, do all these things happen to me? Why me? What did I do to deserve all that? If you are punishing me for something wrong I did to Christians, please forgive me now as I repent before you. Please have mercy upon me based on your death on the cross for me, or else your cross is nothing but what we used to think of it. Who are you that you would allow such a person like me to approach you? What can I do to please you? My life has become so miserable. If it continues like that, death will be easier for me than to continue to live as I am. Please God take my soul. If you don’t have mercy on me, I will commit suicide. It will be no more harm to go to hell for that for if you don’t bestow your mercy upon me, I will go to hell anyway.”

I wept so much. I was wallowing in pain and agony. I stood up, with my tears running on my face like rivers. My mother saw me and patted my shoulders, and she cried with me. She asked me what was wrong with me. I told her, “Just leave me alone. I do not want to speak with anybody. I have once talked to you and you accused me of insanity. May God forgive you.” I went quickly to my room and took a shower to cleanse my body from all the uncleanness of Christian thoughts I also needed to wash myself from all I had done.

I kept on thinking , contemplating whether God would forgive me for all that I said regarding His Prophet Mohammad and His Holy Qur’an. I felt as if somebody was speaking to me saying, “You did not attack anybody or speak any kind of falsehood. All the conclusions that you reached was not of your manufacturing; they were self-evident.” I stood up, spread, my prayer carpet, and I repeated the two Islamic Testimonies in order to go back to Islam. I tried to pray but unsuccessfully. I could not utter a word from the Qur’an. I could not bow down either. So, I placed my head between my palms for a while. Then I went away saying just few words, “Oh Lord, if you are not angry with me, nothing will do me any harm. If you are punishing me now for some transgression I did, I ask you to forgive me and alleviate my punishment . If you are standing against my guidance, that is foreign to your nature. Oh Lord, I have no more power to deal with my situation. If you will not reveal yourself to me, I will go astray. I love you Lord. I did what I was ordered to do. I did what all the others could not, just to please you, as I thought. When you revealed to me your light and called me, I did not delay. How long will you leave me groping in pitch darkness? All that is taking place in my life is a test of love you have prepared for me to lead me to your side. You are the Good Shepherd. Please give me more of your love and guidance to bring me more towards meeting you.”

My father used to push us to pray consistently, so I decided to commit myself to pray. I realized that discussion and thinking were useless, so I decided to keep the five daily prayers as a duty in order to avoid my father’s curses. I felt coerced. In my first prostration I asked God to help me finish the last prostration and get over with such a chore. I was not thinking of God, and my prayer did not bring any change in my character. My attitude towards Christians was still hostile, a result of the way we were brought up. Marcella was the only Christian exposure I had. I even avoided passing by the church near our home.

At home, things remained the same for a couple of years or so. Clashes and disputes went from bad to worse between my parents until they did what was likely to change the course of their lives. It was ‘the least recommended of the legitimate’ as they said -- to get separated.

I started to get a new role in my family. I was 16 when, in place of my dad, I had the responsibility as head of the family, caring for my four sisters. I had to focus on three things, namely to get high grades at school, to be a good mother to my sisters and to assume my father’s responsibilities.

I did not allow myself to think of anything else. I finished my preparatory school with high grades. My old dream was to pursue my university education but, for financial reasons and in order for me to be able to care for my family, my father did not allow me to go to high school.. I started to feel that everything was against me. That feeling was one of rejection and rebellion. But there was no way out of this bad situation. Each year brought more grief, sorrow, and brokenness. I had nowhere to go!

This time I took refuge in God. After all, I had no other choice but to seek God.. I was so weak, so honest and in a dire need of Him. I committed myself to pray and fast, and to follow all the Islamic ordinances. I started to wear the veil. After I finished each prayer, I used to call upon God and talk to Him a lot, but I felt that my prayers and supplications would hit the ceiling and come back to me with neither an answer nor help or even a hope.

I always felt that God was far away from me, “as far as the East from the West”. After I finished my education, I stayed more than two years at home. I was bored to death of such a routine life, so I started to look for job. It came to my knowledge that a law office had a vacancy for a secretary.

The owner of this law office was a Christian. I was certain that my father would refuse such an idea, but I had to tell him. He categorically refused. When I persisted, finally my dad agreed. Working at a business owned by a Christian, my curiosity for the Christian religion started to arise.

I started with a question to my boss about a picture of the Virgin Mary on the wall behind him: “From where did they get it? Why did they say that Jesus was God while he was born of an ordinary woman, even if his birth was miraculous?” I hardly finished my question, when his anger flared and he said to me in a firm way, “Here there are no questions about religion. It is enough what is going on in the country nowadays.” He meant the awful terrorist attacks that happened in 1991.

So the fear of that lawyer and his ignorance of his religion forbade him from getting involved in any discussion about religion. Ignorance and fear are more than enough to hide the most awesome beauty. So I decided to learn more about Christianity, this time from some Christian books in the library of our office. I started to read about the crucifixion, trinity, and the Son of God and His love. I was fascinated by the great love story that appeared clearly with the cross and salvation. I found it to be logical to the mind and satisfactory to the soul. I had an apprehension about getting involved in such readings, so I stopped reading. I asked the help of an Islamic theologian in order to answer all my questions and to help me stop my attraction to Christ.

I went to the sheik of the mosque near my home and told him about my little satisfaction and my great fear. He gave me the instant solution to the disease of searching for knowledge and gave me a recipe that comprised three steps I had to follow strictly:

Fist step: to stop reading about this religion and leave my work,
Second step: to repent, pray and fast three days; and
Third step: to keep on reading the Holy Qur’an everyday.

In fact, I did what the sheik requested except for one item, which was to leave my work. I was afraid that my dad would not allow me to work again. I began to discover something that increased my doubts and worries. When I started reading the Holy Qur’an regularly, I found no healing of my disease. A woman, according to the Qur’an, lacks the insight and the religious commitment, so the inheritance of a man is twice that of a woman!!

Before court, the witness of two women is equal to that of one man (considering that women are less intelligent). So not one of us women could be a doctor, researcher, judge, philosopher, or even a wise person!!!
The majority of people condemned in hell will be women!! Moreover, lots of them will serve as hell’s firewood. Just imagine--we women were created just to please men and eventually we will end up being the firewood of hell or nymphs of Jannah (beautiful women to please men in heaven.)

A woman in Islam should not leave her house except for one of three reasons: to move to her husband’s house, to perform the Hajj, or to be buried. I was tired of all the Qur’anic verses that talked about fights in Islam and the seas of blood that were still being shed in the name of religion. Try to imagine that after twenty-one years of strongly believing in something, it turns up to be false. It was the most difficult time I have ever had. How can someone who used to take refuge in God, all of a sudden live without a refuge and without a god?

After a month of sleepless nights, of weeping and crying, and of waiting upon the true God to descend from heaven to earth to answer me, I got tired of thinking. I then went back to read the Qur’an, which left me more bewildered and confused. So, I decided to read the Holy Bible that I may find the truth.

But people said that the original version of the Holy Bible did not exist any more. What could I do? I had no choice but to read this corrupted version of the Bible that I may find the truth between the lines. So I started to read the Holy Bible and I discovered Jesus, the name that I had heard about long ago, and the name I had been attracted to. I saw how he healed the sick, freed the captives, forgave the adulterous woman, loved and blessed his enemies. For the first time in my life I discovered what I had never experienced--the fatherhood heart or the motherhood care--because my parents were separated long ago and I was the eldest daughter.

And now I feel that Jesus is my father and mother. I have felt Him hugging me, holding me in His arms like a baby. He took away all my heavy loads that burdened my back. For the first time in my life, I felt that I am a real woman – a real person, really beloved; not a commodity to please men, but created after the image of God. I cried like someone who had been rescued from hell or death. On that day I said to Jesus, “Jesus, you are my God and my Savior. You are my father and my mother; you are everything to me in life.”

From that time on, I turned over a new leaf, full of events, miracles, and persecution, but we will talk about that later.

Yours,
Leila

Introduction

As the prodigal son went back to his father after a time of being lost, going astray, and wandering aimlessly, Ishmael today goes back to the bosom of his father Abraham, even to the bosom of Christ who exists before father Abraham. He exists before the foundation of the world.

Ishmael goes back to the One who came from heaven and was incarnated for him. Yes, my God and my Savior, you came to preach the Good News to the poor, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness the prisoners, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

You came to rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; we will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations, and proclaim freedom, peace, healing, and love. Oh, my God and Savior, you came to save all nations.

We, the children of Ishmael, have lived so many years unaware of you, knowing nothing about you, and many times we not only denied you but also were hostile to you and fought against you . But your love that is beyond all minds, all imagination, and beyond all enmity found us, guided us, had mercy upon us, and purified us.

Your love, my Savior, brought us back to you as the prodigal to the bosom of his father, as a foundling returns to his mother’s bosom, as a drowning person brought back to the ship of rescue.

My God and my Savior, here we are; we sought You and You found us; we asked You and You answered us; we prayed to You and You have heard our prayers. You have loved us first.

Now we have become sons, not slaves; free, not captives. We became righteous instead of being wicked; we became like you in loving the whole nations.

We are the Children of Ishmael, the son of our father Abraham, who was called ‘the friend of God’. We decided on the coming few pages to proclaim to all nations our love, admiration and submission and loyalty to You. We are the branches and You are the vine; we are the bride and You are the groom; we are your city and You are our God, Savior and King.

Yours,
The Children of Ishmael

Temporary Marriage of Enjoyment

Marriage of enjoyment (or pleasure) differs from the conventional marriage in that its aim is not having a regular marital life and begetting children, but to enjoy sexual relations in a "legal" way. The man who practices such a marriage is often someone who spends a long time abroad for any reason, and thus marries a woman temporarily. The period of marriage is limited to the time when the husband leaves the country, and then the marriage is automatically dissolved.
The traditions relating to marriage of enjoyment indicate that Muhammad warranted such practice for his friends especially during the raids (maghazi). Yet, `Umar Ibn al-Khattab strongly opposed it, as he said, "The Messenger of God permitted mut`a [marriage of enjoyment] three times, and after that he forbade it. By God, if I find that anyone practices mut`a, while being married, I will stone him with rocks, unless he brings me four witnesses that the Messenger of God permitted it after he had forbidden it." A tradition in Bukhari claims that he prohibited it. Still, it is a bone of contention between many jurists. It is narrated that `Imran said, "We practiced the tamattu` [marriage of enjoyment] in the life-time of the Messenger of God, and then the Qur´an was revealed [regarding tamattu`] and somebody said what he wished [regarding the same] according to his own opinion."
Regardless of the disputes on the details of mut`a in the Sunni schools of thought, one can say that it is equal to fornication, yet the Shiites turned it into some sort of legal marriage. The Sunni jurisprudence, however, allows mut`a, even if it doesn't call it by name. For example, a man may agree to marry a woman in addition to his marriage contract, and bind themselves to divorce as soon as the term they fixed is finished.
Since the Sunni schools of thought all agreed that mut`a was cancelled and prohibited on the basis of traditions narrated about Muhammad, we would like to treat the subject within the Shiite jurisprudence. According to the Shiites, the legality of mut`a is established in both the Qur´an and the Hadith, and in the traditions about their infallible Imams. Their Qur´anic proof is: "and wedded women, save what your right hands own. So God prescribes for you. Lawful for you, beyond all that, is that you may seek, using your wealth, in wedlock and not in license. Such wives as you enjoy thereby, give them their wages apportionate; it is no fault in you in your agreeing together, after the due apportionate. God is All-knowing, All-wise. Any one of you who has not the affluence to be able to marry believing freewomen in wedlock, let him take believing handmaids that your right hands own; God knows very well your faith; the one of you is as the other. So marry them, with their people's leave, and give them their wages honorably as women in wedlock, not as in license or taking lovers. But when they are in wedlock, if they commit indecency, they shall be liable to half the chastisement of freewomen. That provision is for those of you who fear fornication; yet it is better for you to be patient. God is All-forgiving All-compassionate" (Sura al-Nisa´ 4:24,25).
Abu `Abdullah from Ja`far al-Sadiq (the sixth Imam of Twelver Shiism) narrated the following about nikah of enjoyment: "God had made it lawful in His Book, and by the mouth of His Prophet, so it is lawful till the day of Resurrection." One day Abu Hanifa said, "O Abu Ja`far, such as you say that, even though `Umar prohibited and forbade it?" He replied, "Even if he did so." He said, "I adjure you by God not to make lawful that which `Umar has declared prohibited." He answered, "You follow the saying of your friend [`Umar], but I follow the saying of the Messenger of God. What your friend said is untrue." Then, `Abdullah Ibn `Umar came forward and said, "Does it go well with you if your wives, daughters, sisters, and cousins do this?" But Abu Ja`far avoided him when he mentioned his wives, daughters, and cousins.
`Abdurrahman narrated: I heard Abu Hanifa asking Abu `Abdullah concerning mut`a, for which he answered, "Which of the two mut`as are you asking about?" He replied, "I have already asked you concerning the mut`a of Pilgrimage, now tell about the mut`a of women in general; is it legitimate?" He answered, "Praise be God! Have you not read the Book of God Most High? It says, 'Since you have thereby sought enjoyment with them, give them their marriage portion as is stipulated.' " Abu Hanifa said, "By God! It is as though I have never read this verse before."
In a tradition ultimately related by `Ali, Abu Hanifa said to Ja`far Ibn al-Nu`man, "O Abu Ja`far, what do you say concerning mut`a; is it lawful?" He replied, "Yes." He asked again, "Then what keeps you from commanding your women to practise it and earn money for you?" Abu Ja`far answered, "Not all professions are desirable, even if they were lawful. Certain folk have certain lots in life and certain social status. But what do you say, Abu Hanifa, concerning [new sweet wine]; don't you claim that it is lawful?" He answered, "Yes." Abu Ja`far asked, "What keeps you then from letting your women stay at taverns selling wine and earning money for you?" Abu Hanifa said, "Tit for tat; and your arrow penetrates even more." The Abu Ja`far said to him, "The verse in Sura al-Ma`arij [70] speaks of prohibiting mut`a, and the tradition of the Prophet also cancelled it." Abu Ja`far replied, "Abu Hanifa, Sura al-Ma`arij is a Meccan Sura, and the verse pertaining to mut`a is Medinan, and your tradition is anyway doubtful and bad." Abu Hanifa said to him, "The verse pertaining to inheritance, as well, speaks of canceling mut`a." Abu Ja`far answered, "Wedlock has been already established without inheritance." Abu Hanifa asked, "Where do you deduce that from?" Abu Ja`far answered, "If a Muslim man marries a woman of the people of the Book, and then dies, what do you say about her?" He answered, "She does not inherit from him." He said, "See, wedlock is established without inheritance," and they departed.
The Suni schools of thought consider mut`a as abolished on the grounds of Sura al-Mu´minun 23:5, which says, "Believers will succeed! ...who guard their private parts except with their spouses and whomever their right hands may control, since then they are free from blame." Nevertheless, the Shiites claim that this verse is Meccan and that it has been revealed before mut`a was allowed. It seems that the Shiite interpretation is more in harmony with historical reality, since in many credible traditions (that the Sunnis hold as genuine) we have indication of the fact that Muhammad not only allowed marriage of enjoyment, but commanded his friends to practice, as well. Jabir Ibn `Abdillah narrated that "mut`a will remain forever." Ahmad Ibn Hanbal said in Musnad, "God has given permission for the practice of mut`a, and the Messenger of God made it a law." It is evident from the stories related about Muhammad's friends that they had a hard time trying to understand this permission and adapt it to the morals prevailing at that time. Such a fact is vouched for by the above-mentioned statement of `Umar.
We gather from the Shiite traditions that those who seek the "enjoyment of women" are bound by no numerical limitation. Abu `Ubaid narrated that: He mentioned for him the mut`a [and asked] whether it was one of the four [women]. He answered, "Marry a thousand of them; they are hired." The justification that the Shiites give for the marriage of enjoyment is strange. They say that it was warranted for the single man so that he could keep himself restrained (chaste). Abu al-Fath Ibn Yazid narrated: I once asked Abu al-Hasan concerning mut`a, and he answered, "It is lawfully and absolutely warranted for those who are married, as to those who are not, they should keep themselves restrained by mut`a, but if the latter do get married, they are not in need of it, yet it is still warranted for them if they are away [from home]." The reference here is made to the phrase "keep themselves restrained" occurring in Sura al-Nisa´ 4:6, which is utterly irrelevant to the issue of mut`a even according to the best known and oldest Shiite interpretations. It is strange also to know that not all women are fit for mut`a! There are conditions and a description that women have to meet in order to be suitable. The first of these conditions is that the woman has to be a chaste believer. Abu Ja`far was once asked concerning mut`a, and he answered, "mut`a today is not the same as it was before; they were believers then, but today they are not, so ask them." Abu Sara narrated: I asked Abu `Abdillah about it [meaning mut`a], and he said to me, "It is lawful; so only marry a chaste woman, for God Most High said, '...who guard their private parts' (Sura al-Mu´minun 23:5). So do not place your private part where you do not trust your dirham! Whoever wants to marry a woman according to the marriage of enjoyment has to molest her. If she responds with wantonness, then she is not chaste." Muhammad Ibn Abi al-Fudhail narrated: "I asked Abu al-Hasan concerning the wanton beautiful woman; whether it is permissible for a man to enjoy her for a day or more." He said, "If she was known as a prostitute, then she should not be enjoyed or married."
As regards the stipulations for mut`a marriage, they are summed up as follows: Fixed time and fixed hire. Aban Ibn Taghlib narrated: I said to Abu `Abdillah, "What should I say to the woman when I am left alone with her?" He replied, "You should say, 'I marry you for enjoyment according to the Book of God and the tradition of his Prophet, knowing that you inherit nothing and no one inherits from you, for such and such days. And if you like, for such and such years, for such and such dirhams.' You should fix the price that you agree upon, whether little or much. If she says yes, then she accepts; she is your woman and you are worthy of her." I said, "I am ashamed to mention the condition pertaining to the days." He replied, "It is more damaging for you [if you don't do so]." I asked, "How is that?" He answered, "Unless you stipulate [the days], your marriage would be binding, and you will have to pay her alimony during the days of `idda [40 days after divorce], and she would inherit from you, and you would not be able to divorce her except according to the divorce of the Sunna [or tradition]."
The jurists say that it is unlawful to enjoy a Jewish or a Christian woman. Al-Hasan al-Taflis said, "I asked al-Ridha, 'Can a Jewish or a Christian woman be married for enjoyment?' He answered, 'Enjoying a free believing woman is more favorable to me, and she is more irreproachable than they are.' "